3. 11. 2012

Welcome all you Frank-o-philes and Nick-o-teens to M.A.M.A.S. which as everybody knows is not only a sight for women who have children although they are very welcome obviously but is in fact initials standing for the Metterton and Matchbright Appreciation Society. We have been here for more than fifteen years now and I would of thought that more of you would send you're letters and you're poems in but there's been nobody really since the late Joan Bell and she could be a bit half-hearted if I'm honest. Anyway, let's put Joan and the past behind us as we once more reach that most horrific of religious seasons and our thoughts turn to Saint Halloween whose day it is, when you see all the Frankensteins and little children looking frightened and what about Jimmy Savile? I admit that when the stories started about young girls I was septical as I am sure that more than one young girl would have found a light entertainment figure of that stature technically old enough to be her grandfather too good an opportunity to miss if she was honest but now that there's all the talk about dead bodies I'm afraid he's gone too far for me. The thought of somebody in an unhealthy love relationship with people who've been dead for ages turns my stomach to be frank, no pun intended!!! It makes me even more glad we've got Frank and Nick to bring us laughter in these dark times or at least we would if they were still alive. Elton and EFC Security are doing very well although there was at upset last night at a club called Fuesli, which might be a sort of breakfast that they have in Switzerland like muesli. Anyway, this man got beaten up with fruit and then fell down some steps and badly hurt his brain. Elton said it was shocking and that the worst thing was that the band that they had on that night had got a singer dressed as Hitler, only that reminded me about the Trubshaw's sketch where Nick was Hitler and Frank was a bearded Eva Braun and both of us were soon having a right old laugh even when we heard later that the man who fell downstairs had died but at least as Elton said he doesn't have to worry about Jimmy Savile. So until next time that's all for now from me, except to say that perhaps we could start a campaign to have Nicky masks in shops before next Halloween? Its just a thought. Keep Mettering and Matching. Love from Betty.

4. 5. 2011

A big hello to all my fellow Match-brats and Metter-teenies and sorry again for not having done more updates but been very busy. In the paper I see Obama Bin Laden has been shot at last. I always thought he looked like Frank as that Bedouin Prince in the classic Laurence of Arabia take off on Trubshaw's. Frank got into trouble with the P.C. Brigade for wearing the brown make up and doing the funny voice, but when people say that is racist they don't what they are talking about, because I laughed my head off and as you know I am a person of colour unless they are saying I am a racist!!! Anyway enough about Bin Laden. I am doing well myself and Elton is also doing well with EFC Security and getting a lot of work what with the way things are going. I wish you all the best of luck until the next time I update you which will be soon I promise. Lots of love or L.O.L. as they say now. Betty

12. 8. 2009

17. 2. 2 006 Hello it's my birthday tonight and I have really let my hair down but it makes you think I'm nearly fifty and what have I done. And Frank's been gone for over thirty years but of course he is still alive for me. And Nicky of course I didn't mean to leave him out. I am sorry about no updates and my resolution is that I will do this every year at least. Lots of love I'm going to bed now that is all my news love Betty

23. 9. 2003 Hello, Betty here again. I know that today is always hard for us Metter-fans and Match-heads and especially for me. But then think about all the soldiers in Iraq and what they have to face, a lot of them a lot younger than Elton is and married with families, not that 29 is too old to still be single and I'm only using Elton as an example. And besides a young man running his own security and high risk escort firm won't be single very long unless all the girls these days are lesbians and not just Madonna when its suits her!!! ; {} !!! Anyway that's only my opinion of the War in Iraq and I don't claim to understand all the politics, who could? But to end on a light note I saw on the news about some of our lads being killed by the friendly fires and I couldn't help thinking about the classic Murderer sketch on Trubshaw's Origami Frying Pan. "Look, I don't want you sitting near me. You're a murderer!" "Yes, a friendly murderer!" As you might imagine I was soon laughing again and I think that's what we should remember Frank and Nick for today, and that's the gift of laughter. Love and kisses and I'll be updating this next spring at the latest, perhaps even after Christmas. All the best, Betty

7. 8. 2001

19. 1. 2000

Well here we are in the future and no sign of all the millennium bugs!! Elton took me out on New Year's Eve to the club where he works and everybody was so nice to me, you can tell that they all must really like him. Of course the future is nothing like Frank and Nick imagined it in the famous "Robot Tramp" bit from You've Never Had It So Good because there aren't real robots and if there were and they were sick down themselves it wouldn't be all nuts and bolts and watch parts, but that is the genius of comedy, they weren't trying to be Tomorrow's World! But enough talk about science, I have to get Elton to help me to do this so I'm no one to talk! I will try to be more regular from now on with updating you but largely it depends on how much people show an interest in Matchbright and Metterton so come on, do your bit. Until next time, with lots of love, Betty

16. 4. 1999

31. 7. 1998

Yes, I'm positive you are all as surprised as me to be hearing from me so soon after my last postage but then I am sure you will all know by now the reason why! Yes it is Channel Four or "Channel Poor" as I call them after seeing their so-called documentary (a half hour!) on Matchbright and Metterton who aren't here to defend themselves from what I'm sorry but as far as I can see in my opinion is just muckraking. I spoke on the phone to Joan about it and although she couldn't talk long as she had something on the stove she agreed with everything I said. Honestly Mr. (or is it MS.!) Channel Four some of us were looking forward to your program thinking at last Frank and Nick were going to get the recognition they deserved and what did we get instead but the same old ignorant stories hashed up all over again! For your information MS. Channel Poor, Frank Metterton did not do black magic in the Golden Dawn he was in the Stella Matutina, don't you know anything? And anyway he was only in his twenties and when we are young we all make mistakes, look at my Elton not that he has done black magic but just as bad. As for going over poor old Nick's divorce shame on you! Many people get divorced these days, and sadly many people kill themselves, as perhaps you yourself might have done in the past and it is nobody's fault. Nicky Matchbright was a lovely kind man and I'm sorry but that wife he had that did the suicide just didn't know how lucky she was and when you talked to Nick's daughter that was really scraping the bottom of the barrel. It was clear she had the mental illness probably from her mother and anyway you couldn't hear what she was saying with all the mumbling she did so how you can tell Nick was a bad father from that I don't know, she could of been saying he was brilliant! And then of course we have our old friend the drugs but Frank himself admitted he'd got a problem and paid his debt to society when he went in the mental home instead of doing prison and if somebody working there falls out of a window years later what's that got to do with anything, it's just a coincidence? So wake up Channel Poor and give us Match-fans and Metter-maniacs out here in television land the tribute we deserve. Other than that I am doing very well with the hairdressing and I will talk to you soon. Lots of love from your friend in M and M Madness, very best Betty

17. 2. 1998 Happy Birthday to me! Yes, it is the big four oh and I was just looking in my mirror and thinking "Betty you don't look half bad for a woman your age who's had a baby especially a big six foot four one like Elton although he wasn't that big when I had him obviously." I haven't got Joan's card yet but then it is quite early and we haven't had second post yet. I think they still do second post, and even if they don't these days I shouldn't wonder if the postmen don't open the letters and steal all the cards themselves from what Elton told me when he was working there before they let him go. Other than my birthday the big news in Metter-land is that Channel Four have announced that they are planning a big serious documentary on our favourite funsters! All I can say is its about time when they have been gone off our screens for nearly twenty or thirty years. Why haven't the B.B.C. ( The British Boring Corporation) done something like this before when they have all of those great old shows getting all dust on them in a cupboard, so hats off to Channel Four or "Channel Fair" as I suggest we all start calling them. At last things are really happening and the boys are getting the attention we always knew they would which I suppose means we will be getting a lot of visitors to this sight from now on as trendy people start to jump on our bandstand but we will all know we were here first and that we were there for Frank and Nick before it was the latest fashion! Anyway as it is my birthday I will take a day off now from my hairdressing business which is doing very well and go down Spinadisc in Abington Street and spend my record token from Elton, I hear that Frank and Nick Make You Sick is out on C.D. and although it was definitely not one of my favourites at least it is something. I'll talk to you all soon, love Betty

31. 8. 1997

3. 3. 1997

17. 2. 1997

28. 12. 1996

Hello to everybody on the internet! My name is Elizabeth Carnaby and this is the first news from the Matchbright and Metterton Appreciation Society or M.A.M.A.S which is good because I think it would mostly be women who would be interested in Frank and Nick who you can tell are my heroes and most likely it would be women who were mothers or "mamas" like as I myself am. I am in my early late thirties and in fact it is my son Elton who has set up this sight for me on the Angelfire internet for his Christmas present to me. I daren't ask what it must have cost him! Elton is a postman at the moment and has done very well in the run-up to Christmas. He has not said anything himself but I think they might soon promote him to a captain in the post force for doing so well, which would be one in the eye for all those people at the schools he was sent to who were prejudiced because of nothing more than the colour of his skin and the way he spoke and behaved and what he'd done to hardly any people at all because they were disrespectful and called him a "black b------" when he is in fact mixed race and is only technically a b------. Elton only did what anybody would have done, well perhaps not everybody but at least some people, probably a lot of people if you count people back in history and in other countries only of course they wouldn't have done it with a mobile phone if that indeed is what Elton indeed did and not just something that the so-called Babylon police and so-called Babylon doctors and Babylon anaesthetists at the emergency room said that he'd indeed done! Anyway, to return to Nicky Matchbright and Mr. Sexy Eyes Frank Metterton, I have been a fan of theirs since I was a little girl and saw them on Trubshaw's Origami Frying Pan. Plus Elton is very fussy about hygiene so I should of thought that's the last thing he'd do! I know that its every girl's dream but when I was fifteen I actually met Nicky Matchbright and Frank Metterton. It was the summer of 1973 and I will always remember it, it was an important part of my growing up and I couldn't of believed that what was happening to me was really happening if you know what I mean? In actual fact I know you won't believe this but I had got a ticket to the show on that fateful Saturday night and if it wasn't for a stupid accident with my taxi I would of been in there with them! I stood in the car park and I saw all the fire it was terrible, I was in a right state and I remember there was this policeman there and he wasn't much older than me and he was as frightened as I was! In the lounge you could hear on the jukebox it was the Vince Shannon song, At Night When You're Asleep and it went horrible when it melted. But do you know when I went home that night and cried myself to sleep as you can imagine and Frank and Nick came to me in a wonderful dream, I think Nick was there too and Frank told me jokes that were so funny I woke myself up laughing and somehow I knew that it would all be alright. The jokes were only funny in the dream by the way and when I woke up they were just rubbish but if you had been there in my dream believe me you would of laughed too. The only one I can remember is how demons are long winded. It was something like "Why can you keep a demon in a triangle, because they can never get to the point!" which as I say isn't funny told like that but if you could have heard in my dream how Frank told it you would of screamed. I like to think it was Frank's way of telling me that I should carry on his memory and of course Nicky's although who could forget a face like that, and that I should keep giving the gift of comedy to people, not just by buying them Matchbright and Metterton things for Christmas as I do with Elton but in other ways as well and that is why I am doing this net sight. What else can I tell you about myself, well I am a successful lady's hairdresser with my own shop and am still what you would call good looking and I love Matchbright and Metterton it goes without saying! My favourite three sketches in order of comedy goodness are The Trick Cyclist, Robot Tramp and either "I Once Had a Talking Leg" or "Jesuit Moths" or "Edith Sitwell is Alec Douglas Home dressed up". Or the one where they were dressed as worms in a coffin or "Laurence of Arabia" obviously, there are so many it is impossible to decide! I hope that you share my love of the great M and M and that you'll join me because together we could change the world so that there was more Matchbright and Metterton for everybody to enjoy. I dare say I will write some more of this in a day or two I am so excited! You will have to watch out for me or else I'll start getting on your nerves with all my Matchbright and Metterton chatter (only joking – I hope!)! Wishing everybody a happy Matchbright Christmas and a Metterton new year, lots of love from your new friend Elizabeth (Betty) Carnaby Lady's Hairdresser